You Came Into My Life
by Dewey18
Summary: Paul and Kaiden are back, attempting to handle the pressure of the new baby. Sequel to Boys Like Christmas. Read / Review
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Sequel to Boys Like Christmas if you haven't read it, go read that first :)**  
**Specail thanks to Londonpunker14 for all your comments on the last story3**

**PS: I don't own any of the characters aside from Kaiden and Spencer.  
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"Are you ready, Kaiden?" Paul asked, squeezing my hand.

"As ready as I'll ever be." I said nervously, giving him a small smile.

We walked up the stone steps towards the rather large white house on the last break they had on the tour."They already love you, there's nothing to be worried about." He said confidently.

"Alright then, I guess I wont run away." I joked, making Paul laugh. "But I'm still nervous."

"What could you possibly be so nervous about?" Paul asked.

"It's a lot to process what if they don't think I'm right for you? Or if I end up getting sick at dinner?" I said quickly.

"Kaiden, they love you. That have loved you for the last three years. It'll be alright baby." He said kissing the top of my head and squeezing my hand.

He rang the door bell.

No turning back now…

"Oh Paulie! Kaiden!" Paul's mom, Linda, said enthusiastically pulling us both in for tight hugs. "You two sure are a sight for sore eyes." She chuckled.

"Hey mom." Paul said pulling her in for another one arm hug, it made me smile.

"Paul!" His dad, Anthony, said happily. "Oh, and you brought Kaiden. How are you dear?"

"Great." I said returning his hug. "How are you?"

"Same old same old." He said as he wrapped his arm around his wife. The two of them, together, looked so warm and inviting, looking lovely with the intense Italian looks that they graced Paul with.

"Oh Kaiden, you look lovely today. Is that a new dress?" Linda asked once we were all gathered in the kitchen. Linda at the stove cooking up something delicious smelling, Paul and Tony at the island talking, as I paced around, the nerves returning with the steady increase of my back pain.

"Yes, it is." I said smiling, looking down to admire the new dress again.

Back in the familiar with environment with the ones who had basically become my family filled me up with so much happiness I felt ridiculous for being nervous just a few minutes ago.

"So Paul, when does this tour of yours end?" His father asked.

"A little less than two weeks." Paul said, quickly changing the subject.

Uninterested in their conversation, I started examining the room. I'd sat in it countless times over the last few years, Paul was very close with him parents, and it still amazed me. The room's tall, warm yellow walls stretched high, meeting the cream colored ceiling with the dark wood crown molding separating the colors. The dark hard wood floors matched the molding. They had light wood cabinets with light gray granite counter tops. All throughout the kitchen were windows, placed in the perfect spots, to let in gorgeous light and a view of the lake that was just beyond the house.

"Kaiden, are you alright?" Linda asked.

"Yeah, just observing. I love this kitchen, the whole house; it's so beautiful." I said, for about the millionth time, smiling. I looked towards the island, for the first time in a while, and noticed that Paul and Tony had left.

"Thank you." She said smiling and gently running her hand over the granite.

"It's just so different, with the yellow. It's very…happy-making, but not obnoxious." I was still looking around for all the small differences that had been added since the last time I had been there.

"Is there something else on your mind dear?" She asked softly, checking on what was in the oven.

"No, not really. Why do you ask?" I asked, still pacing, watching out the windows.

"Well, you're very fidgety and spacey today." She turned around to face me, concern etched on her face.

"I'm fine." I said smiling confidently. "It's just different, being on solid ground " She chuckled and asked me to help finish dinner.

By the time the boys returned the salad and the fresh baked bread was on the table and ready.

"Wow, that looks delicious Mom." Paul said putting some of the bread onto his full plate of salad.

"I picked it up at this new bakery I found after I picked up the mail from your house one day, it's really close actually."

Once all the plates were gone and new ones were out, we started setting out the main course, salmon.

"Why don't you get everyone more drinks?" Linda suggested while passing with a plate full of salmon. "Oh, and I remembered you don't like red wine as much so I picked up a bottle of white for you." She winked at me and passed by.

Great. I thought as I reached for the bottle in the wine cooler, my nerves returning.

"More?" I asked Paul first to get his attention.

"Sure, babe." He said not looking up. I learned towards him to pour into his glass. "She's going to find out if we don't tell her soon Paul." I rushed out quietly.

"During dinner like we planned hun. No worries." he said smiling up at me.

"Kaiden," Tony said, after all the food and wine were out on the table. "you didn't want any wine?"

"Um no thank you," I said taking a bite of salmon. "It's really not good for my stomach these days." I smiled, feeling clever for thinking of a good excuse, that was also very true. "I'm sorry though." I said honestly to both of them.

"It's alright." Tony answered.

"Well how are you two?" Linda started "Have you thought more about a date?" This took me by surprise, Paul hadn't informed me that he had told his parents. Although we had been spending a lot of time just talking about everything that had been happening with the baby, and his thoughts, his accident.

Oh well, the less big news in one night the better.

"We were thinking of having it soon." I said taking a bite of my salmon, not wanting to be in the line of fire if she lost her tempter.

"How soon is soon?" She asked, not sounding mad.

"Sometime in the next month, it's going to be a rather small event so we figured, ya' know, why wait?" Paul responded, giving her a toothy grin.

"A month? Wow, well that sure is a lot of planning in a short time." She said shocked. "But, if you do need any help, you know where to find us." She said smiling and going back to her food.

I waited for the next few minutes, on edge, for Paul to start telling them about the baby. But all he did was shove more food into his mouth.

How is he not telling them about it?! This is what we agreed on, he would start. I mean, I love his parents and I'm comfortable with them and all, but still they are his[/I] parents! I thought as I stared at him in disbelief.

I coughed a bit to get his attention, maybe remind him.

"Are you getting sick baby?" He asked, concerned. I gave him a um-hello-talk look. "Oh, um mom, dad." He said, sounding excited.

"Yes?" His mom said confused.


	2. Chapter 2

"Well, there's really no easy way of saying this…" He said smiling at both of his parents and then turning towards me for a second. "We're having a baby!" His excitement was infectious.

At least I thought so…

"You're what?!" Linda asked shocked.

"Um, well, I'm pregnant." I said quietly, smiling.

"Oh my god. How far are you?"

"A little over a month." I said rubbing my free hand on my stomach.

"That's good, it's not too late."

"Late for what." Paul asked, although it came out as more of a statement. My stomach sank.

"Well, I just don't think it's a good time for you two, and I think it'd be wise to take care of this now. You have your career ahead of you Paul, you boys are doing so good. It's just not a good time, take care of this and have on when you're ready." Linda state, nonchalantly.

"We're not getting rid of our baby." Paul said firmly.

"Well, think about it, you'll be busy with tour and your CD, and what about the media? It's not a good environment." She said, making some sense.

"Mom, just stop." Paul said harshly, noticing how uncomfortable the subject was making me. "It's not going to happen, we've already talked about all of this."

"Think about it Paul." Linda said sternly.

"Excuse me." I said trying to keep back the tears, I got up and headed towards the bathroom.

I knew there was more discussion going on, his mother was not happy.

"Kaiden, baby, open up." Paul said quietly, knocking on the door of the bathroom I was currently locked in.

I whipped my eyes, I didn't want to come between him and his parents.

"Come on baby, open up." He said, still calm, after a few moments of procrastination.

I unlocked it and backed up to let him enter the room. Once in, with the door shut, he pulled me as close as he could to himself.

"I'm so sorry." I said, the tears unavoidable.

"You have nothing to be sorry for Kai. She was way out of line. We've already talked about this, all of it, we know where we stand. I love you." He kissed the top of my head, still holding me close.

Sitting down, he let me cry on his shoulder.

"It's going to be okay Kaidy." He said gently, rubbing my arm.

I starred blankly at the walls, losing track of time.

"Kaiden, Paul?" Tony's voice called from the other side of the door. "Can we talk to you?"


	3. Chapter 3

"Just a second, dad." Paul called, holding me to him.

"Alright, we'll be in the sitting room." He said walking away.

Serious talks are always held in there, if not at the table. I recalled Paul telling me.

"We don't have to Kai…" Paul said cautiously.

"No, we should, I don't want to be the reason you lose touch with them." I replied honestly, standing up.

"Okay…" He said getting up.

"Kaiden, we want to say we're sorry." Tony started out, once Paul and I were sitting in the couch opposite from Linda and Tony.

"I still think it's much too soon and you're not ready and I still think abortion would be the best option I don't think I can handle loosing either of you, so I'm sorry." She said smiled warmly at us.

"I just want to let you know Linda, that the option of abortion, and adoption, has been thought over. For a long time. And although we aren't in the greatest of circumstances, we sure aren't in the worse, so we're having the baby." I said firmly.

"Well if you're sure…" She said looking at me with an expression I couldn't interpret.

"We are." Paul said, grabbing my hand and smiling.

"Then it's settled." Tony said, before anything else could be said. "Who wants dessert?"

I smiled at him, "What are we having?"

"I just picked up some cannolis." Linda said with fake enthusiasm.

"My favorite!" I said as I stood up, still holding Paul's hand.

"I love you Kaidy." Paul said in my ear as he wrapped his arm around me.

"I love you too Poolie." I said as we sat back down at the table.


	4. Chapter 4

After dessert, we sat and talked for a while. Well…more Paul sat and talked for a while. I wasn't really up to participating. Although it didn't help that Linda was making sure I wasn't a part of any of it.

_So much for attempting not to loose me._ I thought angrily as she filled in another opening that Paul had given me.

When Paul was ready to leave we headed towards the hallway where our coats were stashed.

"Kaiden, please don't think badly of us for protecting our son, we just want what's best for him--for both of you." Tony said sincerely, giving me a hug.

"I understand Tony. We'll make it work though, we both love each other and have talked this through, I wouldn't do any of this if we weren't able to handle it." I reassured him.

I glanced back to see where Paul was and saw that he and Linda were talking, he was smiling, he leaned down and hugged her small body. "I love you mom, thank you."

"Kaiden, my mom really feels terrible about tonight, she really wants to talk to you for a moment, just the two of you. Is that ok? I didn't say you would, just that I'd ask." He rushed out once he reached me.

"Sure." I said apprehensive.

"You wanted to talk?" I asked quietly once I reached Linda.

"Yes, please." She said enthusiastically. "Why don't we go into the sitting room?"

_The sitting room is where we have all of our important discussions_ I remembered Paul telling me on one of the first days I was at the house.

"You know Tony and I love you, almost as if you were our own daughter." I nodded. "So listen to me when I say that I'm only thinking of you; get rid of it." She said making sure she was annunciating every word. "I love Paul very much, and I don't want anything to get in the way of what he's worked for.

I was shocked at what she was saying, I couldn't respond.

"Get rid of it Kaiden, or leave him. He doesn't need this. He's not ready, no matter what he thinks." I sat wide eyed, starring at her.

_You can't even comprehend how much I've thought about this._ I thought as she starred me down.

"You should go now." She said smiling.

I nodded and returned to Paul's side, faking a smile.

"Ready to go babe?" Paul asked grabbing my hand. I nodded my head, not trusting myself to speak.


	5. Chapter 5

"You're quiet Kai." Paul observed as we drove back to the bus.

"Oh," I said, realizing that I hadn't talked. "I'm sorry, just thinking." I said whipping away a tear that had fallen.

"What about?" He asked concerned.

"Nothing really." I said forcing myself to smile.

When we got back to the bus, we joined everyone in the annual game of poker.

Distracted, I decided to turn in for the night. I said goodnight and fled for the bunks in search of some quiet time to think.

I laid down, my mind racing over my options. I was only certain of one thing; I was not giving up the baby. But what to do now? Would the baby really mess up everything Paul had worked for? What they'd all worked for? Would leaving even help? It's not like he's not friends with my _brother_… Could I tell him about what happened? Would that help?

My thoughts continued to rush through my mind, for what seemed like hours. At some point I drifted into a rough sleep.

"Kaiden!" Paul slurred from what appeared to be our living room. It was a small room with plain white walls and dark brown carpets. The only furniture in the room was a dingy green couch and recliner chair, which I assumed was Paul's, and a small TV on the opposite end of the room from where he sat.

"Yes dear?" I asked, walking form the small closet of a bedroom putting on an earring.

"I need another beer." He said keeping his eyes locked on the TV.

"I don't think you do." I said turning around to finish getting ready for my second job.

"Kaiden! It wasn't a question. Go get me a beer." He yelled, angry.

"Paul…" I said cautiously, this wasn't like him.

"God Kaiden, when I ask you for something you get it! You know how things work around here." He said, his words making me sick.

"Mommy?" A little boy I'd never seen before, but knew as Ian, asked coming out of the door near where Paul's chair was. "What's going on?" He rubbed his dark brown eyes, he looked just like Paul.

"Nothing baby, go back to sleep." I said walking towards him to put him back to sleep.

"Kaiden!" Paul yelled.

"Just a minute Paul." I said picking up the small boy's body.

"No. Now." He said, appearing at the door. "Put down the damn child. You do what I say." He was yelling, the alcohol quickly stinking up the small blue room.

"Paul, calm down let me just put him to sleep real quick--" I said laying the frightened boy down in his bed when he cut me off.

"No! Oh my god, Kaiden you listen to me." I was just kissing the top of Ian's head when Paul's hands wrapped around my arms and pulled me into the living room. He shoved me down on the floor and slammed the door to Ian's room.

Everything started getting fuzzy, I could hear the boy start crying, Paul screaming at me, the TV going on and on about some new cleaner that did _wonders_. I started yelling for Paul, for Ian. Trying to hold onto anything.

And then everything was black. The floor gone from under me. I started falling, screaming as I went.

I finally stopped falling and crashed onto a cold, hard floor.


	6. Chapter 6

Suddenly a room, that was vaguely familiar, appeared. It was a smaller room with tall, cream walls and brown carpeting. The the right wall had floor to ceiling windows that had been blocked with thick curtains. The back wall had to large book cases on opposite ends of the room, in the middle held a fireplace with a portrait of Paul as a young boy. The middle of the room held a short glass coffee table and a set of two, thick, green love seats.

I started to make out a figure, a woman, that was sitting on one of the couches already, as I walked forward.

And then suddenly I realized I was in Paul's parent's sitting room. "Linda?"

"Oh, Kaiden!" She said enthusiastically. "So glad you could join me. Please, sit." Her voice was thick with fake politeness. "Would you like some tea?" She asked, picking up the small tea pot that rested on the coffee table. I nodded my head and she poured me a cup.

"Thank you." I said picking up the small tea cup.

She nodded in response. "Do you know why you're here?" I shook my head, too nervous to reply. "You ruined my Paul's life. You destroyed it." She said making sure to enunciate every word. "I told you to get rid of it or to leave, you didn't listen to me." She looked down at me angrily.

I started sobbing, thinking of my Poolie.

"Kaiden? Kaiden baby, wake up!" Paul begged, shaking my lightly.

I opened my eyes, crying. Paul wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly as I cried on his shoulder.

My crying slowly stopped. "Are you ok Kaiden?" I didn't respond, I didn't know how to tell him how worried I was that his mom had been right; that my dream might come true. "Kaidy, come on, talk to me." Paul pleaded, trying to look me in the eyes.

"I'm fine." I said quietly. "Just go back to your game."

"Kaiden, it's four in the morning; I came in here hours ago."

"Oh." I said, picking at a string on the blanket.

"Kaiden, what was wrong?" He asked, gently turning my face towards him.

"Nothing Paul." I whispered.

"You're lying to me." He responded, flatly. "You were tossing and turning, crying. I had to wake you up, and when I did you sat and cried for at least a half hour. Tell me the truth Kai."

"It's nothing Paul, just a dream. I don't remember it anyways." I lied

"Kai…" Paul started, not believing me.

"Please Paul, let's just get back to sleep." I said as he wrapped his arm around me, defeated.

"Fine, I love you." He said kissing the top of my head. It felt odd to me.


	7. Chapter 7

I woke up before everyone the next morning; it wasn't hard, none of the boys got to sleep before after three most nights.

I climbed over Paul and headed towards the bathroom, to shower.

In the shower I put the heat up as high as I could stand it. As I waited for the water to heat up, I shoved my ipod into the dock and let We The King's Stay Young play.

I stepped into the water and relaxed, leaning against the wall as the water hit my back.

After washing my hair and shaving my legs, I leaned against the wall again to relax for a moment. "What're we going to do?" I asked quietly, rubbing my stomach gently.

"Kaiden! Save some water for the fish." Bryan yelled through the door.

"Fuck the fish, I need a fucking shower." Martin yelled, pounding on the door, making me laugh.

I turned off the water, dried off, changed into a pair of light skinnies jeans and a plain blue dress, put on a little bit of make up and tied my hair up in a pony tail before leaving the bathroom.

"All yours." I told Martin, as I walked past him to make myself breakfast.

I pulled out a bowl and a fork from the cabinet and then searched the fridge for salad ingredients.

"More salad?" Bryan asked as I sat down at the table where he was eating a pop tart.

"I like salad." I said taking a bite.

"You're a rabbit." He concluded, with food in his mouth.

"Thank you." I said giggling.

"Morning Paul." Bryan said, his mouth still full of food.

"Dude, swallow." Paul said laughing as he walked towards us. "Morning love." Paul said kissing my cheek. I tensed up.

"Hey." I said emotionlessly, taking a huge bite of salad.

"You okay?" He asked me, concerned.

"Fine, why?" I asked, continuing to eat.

"You're tense." He pointed out, pulling out some cereal.

"Am I?" I responded.

"You are. Did you get back to sleep last night?" He asked sitting down next to me.

"Yeah." I said picking at my salad, not looking up at him.

"That's good." Paul said, simply.

When I was done eating, I put my bowl in the sink and started doing the few dishes that were in there.

"Kai, do you want to go watch a movie in the back?" Paul asked, rubbing my shoulders.

"I think I'm just going to lay down, I'm not feeling so good." I responded, honestly. I felt sick to my stomach with worry. Not to mention the pain in my back and feet.

"Want me to come with you?" Paul asked, sounding worried.

"No, go ahead, I'll be okay."

"Well alright babe." He said kissing my cheek quickly.

I headed towards Paul and my bunk and laid down. Quickly covering my entire body, including my head, under the black blanked we brought from home. I felt like a child, hiding from monsters at night, with the blanket over my head; only difference was the monsters weren't from my imagination, they were real and scarier than I could have ever imagined.

I pulled out my phone and dialed one of my best friend's number.

"Hello?" Maggie's voice responded.

"Hey Mags." I said quietly into the phone.

"Kaiden!" She said happily. "I haven't talked to you in forever!"

"Maggie, it's been, like two days." I said giggling.

"Well I'm used to talking to you like all day long Kaiden." She replied, sounding a bit upset.

"I know, I miss you." I said honestly.

"When are you getting home?" She asked loudly

"Tour's over in a little less than two weeks." I responded.

"Oh, ok. Well, what's new?"

"Maggie, I'm pregnant…" I dropped the bomb.

"You're what…?!" She asked shocked.

"I know it's crazy, but I'm pregnant."

"Wow, does Paul know?" I told her yes. "What about the family?"

"Only Paulie, Rian, and Paul's parents know." I said, picking at a loose string. "Well, you too now."

"Kai, you have to tell your parents." She said, quickly becoming controling

"I know."

"What else is wrong?" She asked knowing me too well. I started to tell her about last night. "Oh Kaiden, don't listen to her. You know Paul loves you."

"I know he does…"

"Kaiden, what else is on your mind?"

"I think I _should_ leave Maggie." I told my cousin.


	8. Chapter 8

"No Kai, why would you do that?" She asked after a moment of silence. "This is what you wanted, you two have always wanted a family, you're in love, you're getting married. I don't see what's wrong?" Maggie rambled, confused.

"Yeah, I thought so too." I replied quietly.

"What'd you mean? What's going on Kaiden?"

"Well it all started when we went to go tell his parents…" I led into the story of everything that had happened, telling her about how worried I was that what Linda had said would be true.

She listened quietly, intently listening to the entire story. "You have to tell Paul about this Kaiden." She said decidedly.

"I can't; how am I supposed to do that? It'd be like pinning the two of them against each other. And besides it's true, with their new album coming out they're going to be getting a lot of press and well a family's just going to tie Paul down. And I'm fairly certain Paul's not ready to give up being a kid yet." I said, picking at the loose threads on the blanket.

"So what are you going to do? Just get up and leave? You're not just leaving Paul, Kaiden! You're leaving all of the boys; all of the boys we've grown up with, your own brother, your best friends! And you're not the only one you're cutting out of their lives, what about the baby? You're walking out on it's father before he even has any reason to make you. What are you doing Kaiden? Why aren't you thinking about this?" She asked her anger from her father's absence coming up.

"I'll figure it out. Besides it'd be better for the baby to not be around concert and tour life, and not to mention the press and the crazy fans. Also, I'll tell my family eventually and I don't have to cut them all out…just Paul."

"Kaiden, your'e going to allow everyone to see the baby aside from the dad? Think of what that will do to Paul!" She argued loudly in my ear.

I was quiet for a moment, holding back the tears. "I'll figure it out Maggie."

"Kaiden, please talk--"

I cut her off. "NO! I made up my mind, I'm leaving. You can't tell anyone about it either."

"Kaiden what am I supposed to do? Lie to all of the about where you are when you just get up and leave?"

"Just give me sometime to get on a plane and get away from here; to think a little without everyone else interfering." I said standing up, packing quickly so none of the boys would see me.

"Would you just listen to this? So many people have it hard, have to struggle to keep themselves going. They're lonely and overworked and overstressed. Why would you want to do that? To you and the baby? I mean Paul loves you and you know he'd do anything for you and he loves kids and I already know he'd do anything he possibly could for the baby as well." She spoke quickly, fearful that I would cut her off or stop listening.

"I know…but what about his career, Maggie? What about his mom, his family?" I asked on the verge of tears again.

"Kai, calm down; It's going to be alright." She said, successfully calming me down.

"I'm going to get some sleep." I said abruptly.

She sighed heavily. "Alright, call me later if you need me."

We got off the phone quickly. I rolled over on my side, covering my head with the blanket again and falling asleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hey don't know if anyone picked up on how messed up my chapters have been on this story...writing this on like three different sites so it gets a little confusing. but they should all be fixed now! Tell me what you think.  
Love you guys

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_"Kaiden?" Paul asked quietly, kneeling onto the bed gently. I turned over and looked at him. "Hey baby, did you sleep okay?" I nodded, he sighed heavily as he sat down next to me, his back leaning against the wall. "Kaiden, I've known you long enough to know something's seriously wrong." Paul said looking at me seriously. I gave him a stare back that I knew would convey the message of 'don't even try',or something close to that, to him. He sighed again. "Yeah, I've known you long enough to know I wont get an answer until you want to give me one." He looked at me, his eyes full of pain and worry. "You know I want to help right?" I nodded my head, refusing to look at him, I knew I'd start crying if I did. "I'll be here to talk about it whenever you're ready. Alright?" I nodded my head again before he pulled me over to his chest, his arm wrapping around me. "I love you Kaiden Hope." he kissed the top of my head lightly. _

_"I love you too Poolie." I whispered sadly. _

_We sat in silence for a long time. I stopped paying attention, enjoying the little time I had left with him before he went on stage for the night and I left for my hotel. "Kai, when tour's over we have to schedule the appointment for our little guy." Paul said, sounding happier than I'd heard him in a while, as he pressed his hand lightly to my stomach. I nodded my head and couldn't help the tears that were falling. "Kaidy don't cry." He said pulling me in closer._

I sat on the uncomfortable bed of the hotel I was currently staying at. The bed was much too big, and lonely, the room was too large. Everything seemed wrong. I felt wrong being here; I missed everyone back on tour. But that was selfish.

I couldn't help crying as I thought back to everything that had happened that day. I missed Paul so much that I physically ached everywhere.

_"Kai?" Paul asked much after my crying had stopped and we sat in silence. I kept thinking of what I'd have to do once he left, what it all meant, and reminding myself why I was doing this. I looked up at him, my expression conveying my response. "I gotta get ready for the concert tonight, why don't you get some sleep? I'll be back as soon as our set's done; it'll probably be about an hour and a half?" I nodded my head. "I love you Kaidy." He leaned in and kissed my lips, I pushed back, intensifying the kiss. He pulled away after a while, standing up and looked at me shocked, only to smile a moment after. "I love you babe." _

_"I love you more Paul." I said sincerely._

_He shook his head and chuckled, leaning back down onto the bed he moved his head near where my stomach was. "Goodnight little one." He kissed it lightly. I tugged on his shoulders lightly, tears filling my eyes, pulling him to eye level. _

_He looked at me and blushed. "Paul, I love you so much." _

_"I love you too; I'll see you soon." He replied and got up once again and headed towards the bathroom. _

_I started crying again, knowing he thought nothing of the fact that I hadn't said anything in return. _


	10. Chapter 10

With Paul gone I got up and looked for my journal I kept by our bed to write in. I figured I should at least tell them I was leaving, so they didn't report me as a missing person.

_Paul, _

_I love you so much. I'm going to miss you but I need_

No, that wouldn't work.

_Paul,_

I have to leave. Please don't talk to me ever again.

Nope, too harsh…

_Poolie,_

_I know this is hard to hear, but I'm leaving. This has been a mistake. I'm really sorry. Please don't look for me. _

_Love, Kaiden._

I cried as I signed my name, tore out the page and folded it to be left on our bed. I continued as I packed all of my belongings and called the cab to pick me up.

I went straight to my hotel room, letting my bags fall to the floor I climbed onto the bed, curling myself into a tight ball. I cried until my face was wet from the tears, my eyes were red and puffy, my nose was uncontrollable, and my sobs were deafening.

Pulling myself together, slightly, I sat up and walked into the bathroom to clean myself up. I was halfway through washing my face when I heard my phone start up. I knew it was Paul. I didn't know how I knew, I just did. I quickly glanced at the clock and sure enough it was time for the concert to be over. I groaned and willed myself to ignore the urge to begin crying again.

I sat in the bathroom, on the toilet, my legs folded up under me, as my phone continued to ring. Constantly. Right after each other. Paul's ring at least ten, I'd lost count. Zack's close to Paul's. Maggie's ring at least eight. Rian's ring four times. Bryan's twice.

I sat cowering in the bathroom, worried about my friends, my family. I knew they were worried. I hated doing this to them. But it was needed, I needed to disappear; things would be better this way.

At least an hour later, I dismounted the toilet and tip toed into the other room; as if my phone would be able to hear me and tell the others where I was.

I switched into sweats and an old t-shirt before retrieving my phone. Seventeen new voicemails, thirty-three missed calls, and about double that in new texts. I cringed at this and sat down, afraid to know what was coming next.

I scrolled through the missed calls, noting that I had been a bit off with Paul leading with twelve of the calls, Zack with nine, Rian with five, Maggie with four, and Bryan with two. I switched to the texts, barley noticing the pleas to know where I was, to come back home, to talk to someone.

With shaking hands I began to listen to the new voicemails.

_**First new voicemail:**_

**"Hey babe, we just finished the show; I'm going to shower here, much bigger bathroom." Paul chuckled to himself. "Then I'll be right over. I love you and the little one."**

**Second new voicemail:**

**"Kaidy, where are you? Did you leave to go get something? Call me when you get this. Love you." Paul said, sounding confused. **

**Third new voicemail:**

**"Kai, Paul just called…He can't find you. Where are you? Pick up the phone." Zack spoke sounding confused and a bit pissed off. **

**Fourth new voicemail:**

**"Kaidy, hey it's me. Paul told me he can't find you, I'm worried. Be careful, please. I love you." Rian said sounding very worried.**

**Fifth new voicemail:**

**"Kai, babe, if I did something…please just come home so we can talk about it." Paul said, sounding very worried, I could hear him pacing, his voice quick. **

**Sixth new voicemail:**

**"Kaiden, why's your stuff gone? Where are you? Where'd you go?" Paul was crying now, my tears increased hearing his voice and knowing I'd never be the one to console him ever again. "Please come home, I'm so worried about you and the baby. I love you, Kai." **

**Seventh new voicemail:**

**"Kaiden Hope Merrick." Maggie's voice boomed. "Where the hell are you? Paul just called me sobbing. Not to mention that Zack's there and he's furious! Not to mention we're all worried sick. You said you'd think about this. Don't do anything stupid, Kai."**

**Eighth new voicemail:**

**"Kaiden, I swear to god." Zack's voice seethed. "When I find you I'm going to pound your head in. Where are you? I'm so worried about you."**

**Ninth new voicemail:**

**"Kaiden, did you just leave and not give anyone a reason or explanation or anything?" Maggie asked, mad. "Not only am I worried sick but I have to deal with everyone else! I swear to god Kai." She said hanging up angrily. **

**Tenth new voicemail:**

**"Kai, I found your note." Paul's voice was hollow, quiet. I heard him sniffle, knew he'd been crying. "I--I don't understand, why you're gone. I just know you are and I'm sorry for what I did to make you leave." He started crying again, my tears flowing with his. "I don't know how to not be with you. Please just give me a chance to fix this? To change things? I'll do anything for you. I love you. I need you. I want you back; you and the baby both." **

**Eleventh new voicemail:**

**"I'll let you be though, if you don't want to be with me…then so be it." Paul's voice carried on. "I just want you to be happy. Please, if I can help with anything…you or the baby just tell me. Or someone. I'll do anything. I love you, Kai. Please be careful."**

That was the last one I could listen to. I really broke down, sobbing loudly. I was surprised no one had called and complained.

After what seemed like hours of sobbing I sat up, wiping my eyes, I grabbed my phone and dialed the number I knew by heart.

"I am so going to kill you, Kaiden Hope Merrick." Maggie's voice said on the other line.

"I know." I said tears returning to my eyes. "I'm sorry. I just, I couldn't do it. I couldn't put him through it." She tried to cut me off but I kept going, speeding up my words. "I know, I know he doesn't see it that way; he hasn't thought far enough ahead yet. This is too much for him. He'll be happy to rid himself of this in the long run. I can do this, Mags. I know I can. And I know, I know this wont be easy but I have to do it." I said covering everything I thought she was going to say.

"I hope you've thought long and hard about what you're throwing away for it." She said finally. "You've rid it of its family. You pushed away Zack, you pushed away all the boys we grew up with, you pushed away the rest of the boys who you know would love it as much as they do you, but most of all you pushed away its father."

"I haven't pushed away the boys, they'll always be there. And Zack, he'll still be there; he is my brother after all." I offered.

"Look at what you're doing to Paul then! You're letting the baby be a part of all of his friends life's but not his? You're going to dangle it in front of his face. That's torture, Kai." She argued.

"No, it wont be like that. I'll figure it out." I whispered, worried about my Poolie.

"Where are you going to go?" She asked after a long moment of silence.

"The summer house." I answered quickly without thinking.

"You're going all the way to North Carolina?" She asked, shocked.

"Yeah, I just need to get away from all of this." I said, honestly.

"Did you buy tickets yet?"

"Fuck. No." I said, slapping my head with the palm of my hand out of my stupidity.

"I'll do it for you, I'll call back with all the information." She said getting off the phone.

I sighed and laid down, falling asleep quickly.


	11. Chapter 11

Gah it's so short ! O.O Sorry , I've been having such terrible writer's block D:  
I'll update more if you commment more c:

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I woke up suddenly, sweat covering me from head to toe, with the distinct need to throw up. I ran off towards the bathroom and was reacquainted with my last meal.

After washing up and brushing my teeth, I went back to the bed and curled myself into the covers. Remembering what Maggie and I had talked about I frantically searched the bed for my phone.

_Kai, your plane leaves at 11 tomorrow. The info's all in your email._

I breathed a sigh of relief knowing I'd be out of here by tomorrow and fell back to sleep.

The next morning I woke up at around eight, only to throw up the contents of my stomach. Again.

Once I was done brushing my teeth, I walked into the other room, my hands resting on my stomach. "This morning sickness thing, I'm not liking it." I talked towards my baby. "How about we stop it for a while, mommy's can't handle all of this." I said, not realizing the words that were flowing from my mouth until they were out. _Mommy._ I sat on the bed and thought, my mind wandering to what my baby would be like. What it'd look like. I smiled hoping it'd look like Paul.

Sighing, I pulled myself from my thoughts; I began packing and headed towards the lobby to catch the cab I had called to bring me to the airport where I'd eat and be on a plane within an hour. On my way to North Carolina. Away from my brother, my family, my fiance; away from the life I'd always known.


	12. Chapter 12

Hopping off the plane, I found myself met with extreme warmth and humidity, it was heaven. Grabbing my bags from the luggage conveyor belt I pushed my way through the doors and into a taxi. I gave the man the address and leaned back, content with the breeze from the open windows as we sped through the streets of North Carolina.

Not realizing I had dozed off on the ride, I shrieked when the driver shook me awake. Chuckling he told me the cab fair with a cheery face. I pulled out the money owed and tipped him. "Thanks miss, you take care now."

I smiled at the kind man as I began to roll my bags towards the cabin. "I'll try. Thank you, have a safe trip back." He nodded quickly and ducked down into the cab before I turned my back towards him and walked up the rest of the walkway.

Reaching the front door, I let go of my bags and began searching around; in the flowerpots, the beam above the porch roof, the ledge above the door, under the mat and finally the empty space in the small rock wall. "Bingo." I pulled the cool silver key from the rock and turned back towards the large wooden door, slipping the key into the familiar lock I quickly opened the door and stepped into the open room.

In the small nook by the door, I pulled off my shoes and put them in the small cubby hole, that had always been mine, in the shoe rack my father had built to avoid confusion when Zack and I brought friends with us. I got up quickly and went to look around.

The top floor was mainly open, and barely changed; the dinning room still had the large wooden table with the light white chairs, the kitchen was still beautiful with it's light colors and light wooden island, the living room was still my favorite with its large comfortable couch and the entire wall a giant window out to the lake. I sat down for a moment to admire the view of the large sparkling body of water.

I sighed when I finally realized I had to get up. I headed past the upstairs bathroom and my parents room towards the stairs to the attic. Ever since we were kids, Zack and I would always sleep in the attic; putting down sleeping bags before our parents had realized that we wouldn't be using the many different beds in the basement. Now, though they had added four beds to the spacious room. There was even a table and couch that faced a decent sized flat screen TV.

I walked over to my bed and sat down pulling my bags on top so I could look through them; finding the shorts that I needed for this weather, I pulled them out and quickly slipped them on.

Making my way downstairs I dropped off my jeans from earlier in the bathroom's clothes hamper and wandered over to the kitchen, my purse in hand. I dropped the purse on the bar stools that were pulled up to the island and set out to look for any food I'd be able to eat. I rummaged through the pantry's various shelves until I found a box of Kraft's Box Spaghetti. "Fuck yes." I said under my breath as I pulled the box out along with a small can of tomato paste.

I walked back to the kitchen and set my find down on the island. I first turned up the radio, grabbed the two pots and added water the larger one. I started making the sauce, feeling a bit guilty that I wasn't making one from scratch like Paul's mom had always done, I added the paste a can of water and the herbs and spices packet together and stirred, waiting for the water to boil to add the noodles.

As I finished cooking and got it distributed to a bowl to eat, I continued listening to the radio; singing along to the music and dancing around, glad no one was watching. I had just started to walk to the island seat where my food was sitting when Boys Like Girls' Love Drunk came on. I heard the familiar opening, the one I had helped make, the song I had sat with and helped with the lyrics. Now, at number one; they're biggest hit yet, their big break. I stood frozen as I heard Martin's voice paired with Bryan's and Paul's. I started to cry. I fell to my knees and cried. I missed them all already. I wanted to be with them, hearing this on the radio for the first time with them. I wanted to celebrate with them. My whole body ached for Paul.


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: So sorry for the weird updates. Not sure why the spacing's been so off. :x**

**I hope I've fixed it. Fingers crossed. : )**

* * *

The song ended before I had fully pulled myself together. Now, as I sat by my food picking at the warm red noodles that once looked so delicious they made my stomach rumble, I only felt the sharp ache in my heart. I missed Paul.

I forced myself to eat and drink the large glass of water that sat in front of me. It wasn't just the unpleasant feeling that had washed over me at the thought of never being with Paul ever again, never hearing his voice tell me jokes or say sweet things that'd make me blush, the large glass of water tasted of nothing. It was bland and I had to shove it down my throat; though it, like so many other things, was just another part of preparing myself for the baby. As I thought of this I instinctively dropped my hands to my stomach. Almost more on cue was the pang in my head, a caffine headache as I'd been more than a week without the rich bubbly soda I'd been known to drink several times daily.

It was an hour later, I'd been sitting in the living room, admiring the view and attempting to clear my mind of all emotion when I heard my phone ring. The loud shriek of my parent's techno ringtone nearly scared me out of my mind, I lunged for the purse on the counter before the jingle could stop. "Hello?" I asked, slightly out of breath.

"Kaiden, my god." My mother's normally calm and collected voice breathed back with a heavy sigh of relief. "Your brother's called me, along with Paul and a few of the other boys." She started slowly, she knew I knew what she was talking about.

"Yeah, I figured they would…I'm sorry, I didn't want you to worry I-" I started to attempt to explain what was going on before she had a chance to freak out.

"Didn't want me to worry? Kaiden you disappeared you didn't tell anyone where you were going! How was I not supposed to worry?" Her voice was loud, high. She paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. "Where are you?" She asked her voice softer, calm.

"I'm at the cabin." I replied quietly, I felt guilty for all the worrying she'd done. It only made me think more of Paul; I cringed at the thought of how worried he'd been.

"The cabin?" She asked, her voice a mixture of shock and awe. "You had to get that far away?" Her voice was sad, worried. "Are you alright, Kaidy?"

"I'm fine mom, I really just needed time to think." I admitted looking out the window to distract myself slightly, hoping to calm myself down; I didn't need to worry my mom any more than I already had

"You had to go all the way to North Carolina to think?" She asked, barely letting me finish my statement.

"I needed to be alone, clear my head." I insisted. "Plus the fresh air'll be good for me." I said, hoping I sounded convincing.

She sighed another heavy sigh, I knew she was cracking. "Well, do you have food up there?"

"Yes, there's loads of boxed spaghetti and macaroni." I said smiling, knowing that this didn't ease my mom's mind at all.

"Go into town and get some actual food for yourself please, dear." She pleaded, still worrying about me. "Does the water and electric all work for you?"

I nodded my head as I spoke, "Yep all's working perfectly." I forced myself to chuckle hoping I didn't sound as hollow and broken as I felt.

We sat in silence for a long time, the both of us just listening to the background noise from her house. "Kaiden, what's going on?" She finally asked, she sounded

"I-uhm…" I tried to say what was on my mind but the words failed to come out.

"Kaiden, you know you can tell me anything." She said, as every mother's said countless times.

"I know, it's just…hard." I finally managed to string together the weak sentence as I picked at the strings that stitched up the seem of the chairs covering.

"Well, what if I come down there? I want to make sure everything's in order anyways. Plus, we haven't really had a chance to be together since you've been off…maybe we can catch up." My mom offered, her voice hopeful.

"You really want to come down here?" I asked, slightly dumfounded. "Just to talk about what's bugging me? Mom, you really don't have to do that." I tried to convince her, hoping to save her some money.

"Well, your father and I both have been saying that we need to check on the cabin so I'll be able to do that." She reasoned calmly, she sounded as if she were reading it off a list. "Besides, Kaiden, you've always had a good head on your shoulders; you know when to make a big deal out of things. I trust you now as I always have, if it's big enough to run so far away, to need that much space, then so be it." I stayed quiet, even after she was done talking. "So, what'd you think, sound alright?"

"You really don't mind coming, mom?" I asked my voice quiet, on the verge of tears.

"It's not trouble at all love." Her voice was soothing.

"Alright, it'd help." I finally admitted, knowing I did need someone to talk to.

I could hear her stand up from her chair, the large recliner making a loud noise as the spring contracted. "Well I'm going to go book a ticket for me, hopefully I'll get an early flight out." She said as she was walking throughout the house. "I'm going to give the phone to your father, he's been very worried about you since Zack called us."

"I know, I'm really sorry for all of that." I said quickly, the guilt eating me up again. "Please, don't tell him where I am, he'll want to come see me."

"You shouldn't complain about him looking out for you, Kaiden." My mom warned me in a disapproving tone. "He loves you."

"I know he does, and I am thankful for it…I just don't want to talk to him just yet, don't want to explain what's going on."

"Alright, well here's your father I'll be back once everything's straightened out." She said quickly handing the phone over to my father.

"Hello? Kaiden?" My father's gruff voice asked into the phone.

"Hey dad." I said tentatively, as if I was still a teenager caught from a night out where I wasn't supposed to be.

"Hey bug." He replied affectionately using my childhood nickname that no one could remember how it had started. "How're you doing, kiddo?"

"Not too bad, how're things at home? I heard you're working on a tough trial right now." I said hoping to switch the subject, unnoticed.

"It's a bit tougher than usual, the defense has a pretty good case, but the man's guilty and I'm going to prove it." He said with confidence.

"Good job dad, put away the bad guys." I smiled as I recited the phrase I always told my dad when he talked of his work.

"I will, you can count on that." He said, his voice determined; he took his job very seriously. "Now, don't think I've forgotten, where are you?"

"The cabin." I replied simply, knowing dad liked short and to the point answers.

"Really? That's far, Kai." He remarked his voice surprised. "Why'd you go so far away?"

"I just needed a bit of space."

"Should've told the boys that, Kai, they would've understood." My father scolded.

"I know I should've that way everyone would be a lot more calm. But, I'm alright; no more need to worry." I commented hoping my voice sounded chipper.

"Your brothers called more than he has in the entire year these last two days hoping we've heard something." My father started, attempting to make me feel guilty. It was working.

I gulped, "Please don't tell him, daddy." I begged. "I need space."

"You're mother's going down there?" He asked abruptly.

"Yeah, that's the plan." I said slightly confused.

"Alright well at least someone will know what's going on, I'll tell Zack that you called and that you're fine but where you are I'll keep to myself, for now."

I sighed a sigh of relief. "Thanks dad."

"No problem, kiddo." He replied, I could picture him saying the same phrase countless times when Zack and I were kids, ruffling our hair.

"Here's your mother she's got the plane ticket information." He said after another ten minutes of small talk.

"Alright dad, I love you."

"I love you too, baby." He replied earnestly.

"Kaiden, hello dear." My mom said quickly. "I have my flight all set, I'll arrive at the airport around ten. I'll call a cab, I know you wont be awake yet," We both chuckled at her joke, mainly because it was very true. "and then I'll go into town and do some grocery shopping and then get a cab to take me to the cabin." She sounded chipper.

"Alright sounds lovely mom." I said quickly after she finished.

"Is there anything you need? Want to request?" She asked, I could picture her pulling out her pad of rooster decorated list paper out.

"Well, I've given up soda and junk food completely any kind of veggie or fruit you can find I'd like it." I said smiling down at the small area of my stomach.

"Well, that's very good of your Kaiden." She said sounding impressed, my sweet tooth was infamous. I added a quick thanks before she continued on. "Alright seems like everything's in order then, why don't you get some sleep Kaidy I'll call you when I land and when I'm there."

"Alright mom, I love you and sweet dreams."

"I love you too, Kaiden. Good night, sweet dreams." She whispered the last part.

I smiled as I hung up the phone with her, my mother always knew how to make me feel good. I noted that my phone's battery was low and plugged it in before climbing the stairs to the attic.

Upstairs my irrational fear of being alone, caused by way too many scary movies, gripped me with fear as I crossed the rickety old boards on my way to put a movie into the DVD player. I'd chosen New Moon, the second in the Twilight series, mainly because it was the only movie Paul had refused to watch with me; I had hoped it would keep the memories of him from plaguing me. It didn't. I tossed and turned all night, nightmares of Paul and the little boy from previous dreams floating around in my subconscious.


	14. Chapter 14

The next day I awoke suddenly as I felt my stomach lurching into my throat. I nearly made it to the bathroom in time to empty the little that had been left in it. "Good morning to you too." I said to my stomach as I stood up and flushed the toilet.

After brushing my teeth I decided it was a good time to take a shower. In the shower I leaned my arms and head against the back wall and allowed the water to massage my back for me, it was a constant ache.

Once all was said and done with, and I was dressed in a black and white striped shirt and a pair of cut off black shorts, I slipped on my black converse and headed out the back door towards the boat dock. With my phone lying next to me on loud and one headphone in to listen to my iPod, I lazily laid in the sun.

I must've fallen asleep, which I seemed to be doing a lot lately, because when I woke up my mother was standing over me. "Good morning sunshine." She said laughing. "You got color."

"Oh man, burn or tan?" I asked cursing myself for falling asleep.

"Light burn, should fade by tomorrow." She said as I stood up and hugged her and let her kiss the side of my face. "Help me with the groceries." She commanded stepping away and climbing the steep steps. I smiled and followed her diligently.

With many bags in both of our hands we were relieved to get into the kitchen. We them down and set out for restocking the fridge with multiple bottles of water and loads of fruits and vegetables. My mom had gotten hardly any meat at all, sticking to a diet of fish. It was healthier…

"Well, how about we put a salad together?" She asked after all the bags were unloaded and stored inside themselves.

"Sounds good to me." I commented, moving myself closer to the fridge to pull out the basic ingredients. We got started pulling the lettuce apart and adding it to the large salad bowl sitting on the counter. We had finished adding loads of spinach and cutting up the radishes, tomatoes, and cucumbers before either of us said anything. "So," I began awkwardly. "how was your flight?"

She looked up surprised at my question. "It was good, quick. I slept the entire way." She smiled as she started mixing the vinegar and olive oil together with the spices for our dressing.

"That's always good, I do that too whenever we fly anywhere…" I finished quietly, my heart aching once I realized I'd been talking about Paul again. My mom, I could tell by the look on her face, realized what had just happened and thankfully gave me a moment to collect myself. I breathed in deeply a few times and looked up towards the sky, a habit I had for as long as I could remember, in hopes of stopping the tears that were already swelling up.

I'd call it a miracle that I had managed to stop the tears and carry on with preparing the salad. "Kaiden, dear, while I'm tossing the salad how about you set the table and pour us each a glass of lemonade." Her voice was sweet and gentle, most likely because of the episode I'd almost just had. I nodded my head and went off plates in hand to the table outside.

Out on the small deck out back, that faced our lake, my mother and I sat with our salad and lemonade. We silently took in the view.

I knew the minute my mom had decided to start talking about what brought her here. She started with a heavy sigh, turning to face me instead of the lake, and she gave me a heartfelt smile. "Kai, let's stop not pretend that there isn't a giant elephant staring us both down." I chuckled with her as knots started twisting themselves in my stomach. "What happened back on tour?"

And so I told her; I told her about the proposal and Paul's accident. I told her about the baby and Linda's threat. I told her all about my fears of his career and the baby's life.

"Oh Kaiden." She whispered when I was done whipping the tears from my eyes. "I'm so sorry." She gathered me up in a hug, comforting me, as she alternated between rubbing my back and running her fingers lightly through my hair. When I sat up she looked at me determinedly. "Are you sure that you're pregnant?"

I nodded instantly. "I went to the doctor right before I told Paul, they confirmed what the tests had said." I said referring back to the day I had taken four at home tests.

She looked at me as a silence fell between us. "Well," She said drawing out the ll's. "What I know of Paul, he'd want to be here with you. He doesn't want to desert you Kai, or his baby." She repeated the words Maggie'd already yelled at me.

"But, he's not thinking of it any other way than having the baby. It's not just that! It's raising it, supporting it. He's going to be on tour constantly with the new album not to mention the publicity. Staying together without the stress of a baby will be hard like that. I wont let him chose the baby over the band either, he's worked so hard." I rambled on, trying to argue my case.

"And I'm sure you're right about all of that, Kai." My mom said the moment I was done talking. "Raising a baby is hard no matter the circumstances and this is Paul's baby as well, half of him, you should let him be there for it if he wants to."

"Mom, he doesn't know what he wants." I said firmly. "I can do this. I'm going to do this, and it would really help me to have your support."

"What're you going to do for a job? You didn't go on to college, you went on tour. You had a good paying job because of your brother. How're you going to support this baby all on your own?"

"I'm going to figure it all out, don't worry." I said calmly.

"Where are you going to live? You left your apartment already."

"Well," I said twisting a strand of hair. "I was hoping I could move back into my room for just a little bit. I have money saved up, enough too, I just need to find a place."

She sighed. "Of course you can." She took a sip of her lemonade and smiled back at me. "Alright, enough of that. Have you scheduled another appointment with a doctor?"

The look on my face must've given me away as I just realized I'd forgotten to do that. "No, I forgot…"

"That's alright, how long do you think you'll be staying down here bug?" She asked smiling as we started clearing our places.

"Well I hoped to get another day or two at least, specially because we bought so much food…" I said as I started looking at the fridge.

"Well, the vegetables will be all finished after tomorrow's salad and some for dinner tonight and for dessert we can always have a fruit salad." She smiled at me surveying the contents as well.

"Sounds good mom." I said smiling.

The rest of the day my mom and I talked about alternatives to leaving. I stood my ground though. We talked about where I'd live and what I'd do for work; dad's office did need a new secretary… We discussed Paul and his parents and all the boys in the band.

"Kaiden, you really need to tell Zack where you are." She said after we'd finished eating our smoked salmon dinner and fruit salad dessert, we were sitting in the living room looking at the stars. "He's still so worried about you."

I sighed, "I know I do." I paused to think of how the conversation would go, and how he'd react. "He's going to be mad." I whispered the last part.

"It's not that he's mad at you Kai, he's worried." She said squeezing my hand. "You're his little sister, he feels as though he has to protect you."

"I'm grown up, I can take care of myself." I said, stubbornly.

"Kai, you're only twenty-three years old, you're not grown up. You still need help, you're moving back home aren't you?"

"I know…you're right." I chuckled. "Never thought you'd hear that one, did you?"

"From your mouth? To me?" She chuckled with me. "No, never." We changed the subject to that of reminiscing over the past.


	15. Chapter 15

The next two days at the cabin seemed to fly by. I helped my mom do some cleaning and rearranging of the main floor, we talked endlessly of what had been happening back home and about the new baby; all the time avoiding the topic of Paul and the other boys.

"Kaiden," My mom called from the den that housed the only computer with internet connection. "Our flight will leave at about five tomorrow. Will you go up and pack your bags tonight?"

"Sure, that sounds good." I stood up from the couch, going to the kitchen to put away the glass cup that had held milk. "It's not like I want to be up that early anyways." I chuckled as I walked up the attic steps.

In my room I packed my freshly washed clean clothes, leaving out an outfit for tomorrow. It took me less than fifteen minutes to rid my drawers of the clothes I'd worn this week. When the task was done, I walked over towards the living area putting the DVD's back in their cases. It only took one look to send me back to tears, I saw all the stains from the many spilt sodas, the scuff marks from the odd stunts the boys had attempted, the pictures of us from summers years before.

Pulling myself back together I stood up and walked downstairs hoping the change of scenery would help keep my emotions under control.

The rest of the night was uneventful, spent listening to music and catching up on a bit of reading. The plane ride the next day was long, and loud; turbulence, rude people, and screaming children.

"Hello girls." My dad said as he met us at our gate. He wrapped an arm around both of our shoulders. "How was your stay?"

"It was nice, a good chance to get away and relax for a few days." My mom said as we walked towards the baggage claim.

"And how are you hun?" My dad asked, directed towards me.

"Much better, it helped a lot to just clear my head." I smiled up at him as he kissed my forehead.

"Wonderful, well what bags do you have? I remember the one your mother took." He asked as we reached the large crowd standing around the carrousel that our bags would soon be rotating around.

"I have three green bags, two of them roll and one's just a bag." I explained looking around for a spot where I could see what was coming around.

"Why don't you go get us a cart dear?" My dad asked letting go of both of us.

"Alright, watch my purse." She said pulling it off and handing it over. "I'll be right back."

With my mom gone, my dad and I fell into a silence. We watched as countless bags, that were neither my mine or my mother's, passed us by.

I was just beginning to wonder what had happened to my mom when she showed up, pushing a cart that had bags already piled on. "Mom, you're supposed to find an empty cart to take." I joked as she approached us.

"Look who I've just found." She said smiling and stepping aside to let Zack through.

My mouth dropped open and my eyes widened. "Hey Kai." Zack said walking towards me to wrap me in a tight hug.

"Zack!" I siad once I was allowed to breath again. "What're you doing? How'd you get here?"

"I'm here to see you, I got here by a plane, and today's a day off; I booked an early flight." He offered looking down at me. "I was worried about you, and Paul seems to think you don't want to see him and Rian is having problems with Kara so…it just left me." He started scratching the back of his head, a nervous habit, as he rambled. "Which was good anyways because I've been going crazy. I mean everyone else is saying how you just need your space and you're fine…but I needed to check it out. Besides that Paul and Rian know something big is up with you that I know nothing about." His look was accusing and was normally all it took to spill my guts out to him.

"Thanks for coming, I missed you." I wrapped my arms around him again, knowing he'd just bring it up again later. "How long are you here for?"

"Two days, then I'll be gone for a week and then back home for good."

"And then to start recording the new record." I said looking up at him and forcing a smile.

"Yes, onto that." He sighed then looked over my head. "Aren't those your bags, Kai?" He pointed out as two of my three bags started moving away from us.

"Oh crap!" I said as I followed them. "Dad, those are mine." I pointed them out to him. I felt guilty making him do it, but I already knew my mom wouldn't be happy if I lugged the heavy suitcases, she was already overly protective of her grandchild.

"Lazy." Zack whispered making me giggle.

"You made mom push yours." I shot back looking up at him.

"Touché." He said, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

"I missed you, Zack." I whispered as I leaned into him.

"Missed you too Kaidy."


	16. Chapter 16

Four Months Later

After a few weeks of living with my parents I started to get a bit frustrated. Although I loved both of them dearly, I liked the independence to living alone; the nagging made me insane. However, I did like that they were fitting all the bills and my mom made sure to stock loads of healthy food and the least possible junk.

A few weeks later the tour was over and All Time Low was back in Baltimore. I excitedly went to see them at the airport. Receiving large welcoming hugs from all four of them along with Spencer.

_"Kaiden!" Spencer called the second she saw me. I smiled at the sight of her light hair. I laughed the once I caught sight of her pulling Jack along behind her, her hand gripped his small wrist. "I missed you so much." She dropped Jack's wrist and wrapped her arms around me in a large bear hug. "I was so worried, we were all so worried." She raced through the words._

_"I know, I'm so sorry I did that." I said looking down at my feet. "I didn't know what else to do."_

_"As long as you're alright, it's okay." Jack said pulling me into the next hug. "You are alright aren't you? Do I need to get back on a plane to Boston to kick some ass?" He chuckled._

_I tried to ignore the pain in my chest as I attempted to laugh with him. "No need, I'm alright." I smiled and looked at the small circle around me._

_"Kai" Alex shouted, drawing out the 'a' in my name, running towards me and wrapping me in a tight embrace that sent us in circles. I giggled loudly. "I missed you girl."_

_"I missed you too, Lex." I said as he set me down. I then turned my attention to the remaining band member, the only one who knew the entire story. "Rian." I smiled at him as I walked towards him. He met me in the middle and hugged me lightly._

_"Missed you Kaidy." He said looking down at me._

_"I missed you guys too." I said happily as I looked around at each of them. "So, how was the rest of tour without me?"_

_"A bit odd." Spencer confessed first, as her arm draped across my shoulders. "I've never been in such an estrogen-free zone." I laughed with her as she led us all in the direction of the baggage claim._

Now I lived in Zack's apartment. It was only temporary as I doubted he wanted to be living with a newborn. But he'd graciously lended out his spare bedroom when he found out how living with mom and dad again turned out.

I'd told all of the boys as well, all of them curious to know the true story as to why I'd disappeared so suddenly.

_"Hey Rian." I said happily as I answered my phone. "What's going on?"_

_"Well we're having a band practice, come join the party?" He asked, I could hear the smile in his voice._

_"Band practice, eh?" I questioned as I stood up and started getting ready. "Aren't you all a bit sick of it? I mean you've been home, what, two days?"_

_"Can't get sick of what you love, Kaiden." He said happily. "And, I think it's about time you tell everyone; they're all worried, they know something else is up, and I don't think I can handle another one of Jack and Alex's theories." He laughed at the last bit._

_I currently had my lip shoved in my mouth as I bit at it furiously. "I don't know Rian…I'm nervous." I admitted realizing how small I sounded._

_"Come on, you told your parents; we're you best friends, your family, this'll be even easier." He said confidently. "Plus, I'll be there to help you and to smooth everything over should we need it." I gasped nervously at the thought. "Which of course we wont, they'll all be happy for you."_

_"Pick me up then?" I asked knowing if I had my own car I'd run away._

_"I'll be there in two."_

_"Two? How can you get across town that fast?" I asked quickening my pace._

_"I already planned to do it." He said sounding proud of himself._

_"Well you're going to have to wait for me to get ready." I said stubbornly slowing myself down._

_"That's fine, I can wait."_

_"Kay, see you in a few." I responded as I shut my phone. I ignored the door, I knew that Rian would simply walk in the door once he got there._

_I slipped on an old, ripped pair of jeans and my comfy bright yellow owl's shirt. I smiled as the feeling of comfort washed over me. I put on my Gaskarth bracelet that Jac gave me last time I saw her, the small hemp bracelet Spencer and I had bought while in Hawaii, and small silver necklace. I dug around my closet of my Free Hugs sweatshirt, my recycling bag and my shoes that I had drawn on. I smiled at my reflection, satisfied at how I looked._

_I walked down the steps and found my mom and Rian sitting in the living room talking about tour. "Afternoon handsome." I said as I walked into the room._

_"Well hello there, mama." He joked, referring to my new role._

_My mother shot me a shocked look. "Wha-" She cut herself off, I assumed she was afraid she'd say too much._

_"He knows." I informed her simply. She gave me a disapproving look. "Zack was drunk at the time."_

_She nodded her head, understanding. "Ah, well it's good to know that you wont be going into this alone then." She smiled at both of us. "Now you should get a move on; so much to do, so little time."_

_I smiled and kissed her cheek. "Love you mom, I'll see you tonight."_

_"Alright dear, you two be careful." The three of us walked to the door. "I love you too." She hugged my lightly and Rian and I made our way to the car._

_Alex's House_

_We knocked on the door, a pointless act as they always left the door open, but we both had a habit of being overly polite._

_"It's open!" Alex shouted from the bottom level of the house. We walked towards the noisy commotion in the basement. "Rian! Kaiden! So nice of you to join us." He replied happily slinging an arm around both of our shoulders. "How are things going?"_

_"Fine, I need to make a bit of an announcement though…" I said twiddling my fingers._

_"Coming right up." He smiled at me and then looked at the others. "Aye, shut the fuck up; Kai's got something to say."_

_All eyes then fell on me. I nervously looked from person to person, wondering where to start. "Well, I suppose there's no easy way to say this; for one, Paul and I are…over. But, I'd assume that's sort of obvious." I mumbled all of this. I felt bad, I could see all of them straining to hear me, but I couldn't bring myself to raise my voice, I was too nervous. "And…well, I'm pregnant."_


	17. Chapter 17

____

A somewhat eerie silence filled the room. I received empty shocked stares from all three boys, their mouths slightly agape. If I wasn't currently shaking with nerves I'd probably end up laughing at the sight of them. "Well guys, don't just stare at her!" Rian said finally a hint of a smile in his voice as he stood behind me, a hand on my shoulder.

"Well that explains a lot." Spencer said, smiling at me largely. "Congrats baby girl." She stood up quickly, letting Alex's limp arm fall off of her knee in the process, and embraced me in the tightest hug.

"Thanks Spencer." I said pulling away to look down at her bright face.

As she walked back she glared at Jack who was looking blankly. Shaking his head he came back to the present. "God, pregnant?" He said looking at me from his spot. I nodded in response, worried by his reaction. "I've known you since you were a baby!" He replied loudly.

"Jack, I was in middle school when we met." The rest of the guys chuckled with me as he stood up and walked towards me.

Towering over me he looked down. "Well, I can't think of a better mom." He leaned down and wrapped his arms around me as well. "'Grats, Kai." I smiled brightly, finally feeling at ease. "I love you kiddo."

"I'm not a kid." I said through clenched teeth, the room erupted with laughter again.

"Course you're not." Zack replied. "You're going to be a mom, Kaiden." His voice was serious and edged anger. I looked at him surprised, not knowing how to respond to him. He broke his stare and leaned back, somewhat sulking.

Quickly Alex stood up and crossed the room. "Kaiden!" He said loudly as his arms reached out to pull me in as everyone else had done. "Congrats!" His arms pulled me up and spun me around. "I'm so proud of you."

"Thanks Lex." I smiled and giggled as I always did when I was around Alex.

The rest of the day went well, the boys practiced as Spencer and I talked about the baby and all the small details that went along with it. No one brought up Zack's outburst, which I appreciated.

Though, I couldn't hide from Zack for long, I managed to avoid him for a few days.

__

"Kaiden," My mom said, sighing heavily as she did before she said anything important. "You need to tell Zack." I had made the mistake of venting to her about what Zack had said the next day as I moped around the house.

"Mom, I don't think it's a good idea…he just seemed so angry." So I exaggerated a bit, but I was mad at him; what was wrong with me being a mom?

"Well, you need to talk it over." She said the tone of her voice making her words mean something more like 'you will talk to him or else'. I nodded my head, knowing there was no way out of this. "Good, then you won't mind that I've asked him over to talk to you." I looked at her in shock as she stood in front of me smiling. There was a knock on the door and she smiled even wider. "Oh and that must be him now." For lack of better response I simply growled at her, she laughed and went towards the door.

"Kaiden, Zack," She looked at both of us as we sat across the small round wooden table, moments later. "Talk." She said the word simply, if only it was that simple, and left the room.

I sighed and continued to stare down at the table, picking at my cuticles. Zack sighed from the other side of the table and I could feel him looking at me. It took about ten minutes for either of us to be willing to say a word. "So…" I said finally looking up at him.

"Kaiden." He said softly. "I've been trying to figure out what to say to you, I've gone through it over and over and now…none of them even sound right."

"How about congrats or why you freaked out so much? Zack I'm not fifteen, I can take care of myself and this baby, why…why, what-" I was lost for words to finish the sentence; I didn't want to ask why he was so mean and sound like a 5th grader. "Why did you make it out to be such a bad thing?" I finally asked directing my eyes back to the table.

"I, Kaiden I didn't mean to make it seem like that; it's just…it was such a shock and well I'm-yes congrats, I'm going to be an uncle, you know I'm happy about that. But Kaiden, do you realize that you didn't go to college? What kind of job are you going to get? Babies are expensive." I was about to interupt, I was bursting with anger, I had thought about all of these things! All day everyday, I worried about our future; not to mention everyone else did as well. "Let me finish Kai." He stopped me, sounding slightly annoyed. I took a deep breath and allowed him to. "I'm just worried about it, you're living with mom and dad again."

"Zack." I said finally, knowing his rant would continue. "I have thought of all of these things, I'm not sure how I'll fix everything. But I will, I promise." I smiled at him as he looked up at me.

"I'm just worried about you." He said with a sad smile.

"I know, me too." I replied honestly. "'Specially because I'm living with mom and dad again…"

"Well, why don't you move in with me?" He offered after a moments silence.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, it'd be better than here." He said laughing.

"I heard that." My mother called from the other room causing my brother and I to start laughing.

"I'd love to." I said a tad quieter.


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: So this is the last chapter :D  
Sequel'll be posted soon ^_^**

After a long night of reminiscing I was finally able to let myself fall asleep. I slept dreamlessly now; dreams of Paul and the little boy had long ago slipped from my subconscious.

Paul, the name no longer brought the tight constriction to my chest as it had for so long. I heard from the boys that although he still missed me, he was moving on looking for someone new. He'd been told what was going on of course. It'd been unavoidable as it had come out one of the nights all of the boys in the bands had congregated and got drunk. I still missed him more than words could say but I knew life for him would be much better this way.

"Kai?" I could hear my brother call into my room knocking loudly on the door. I groaned into the pillow I had been curled against as I laid on my side, avoiding the small bump that had begin to form. "Don't do that, you have a doctors appointment." He swung the door open and walked in halfway. "I wanna know the sex! Let's go!" He said sounding excited.

My eyes shot open when I remembered that today, finally, I would know what I was having. Five months of waiting was torture. Although it was nice in a way, the mystery of it all. The anticipation would be much higher if I didn't know… Maybe I won't find it out, it might be nicer that way. I thought absently as I looked around my small stash of maternity clothes for something decent to wear in the warm weather. I slipped on my navy blue three quarter sleeve dress, smiling as I smoothed the creases over the bump.

I walked down the stairs and straight to the kitchen, we needed food. "Good morning." I called out, knowing Zack was looking for an easy meal. He called out, his words muffled in the food shoved in his mouth. I started looking through the fridge pulling out the salad I had left in there along with the lemonade and some strawberries.

Zack smiled approvingly at the food in front of me. "Keeping my little guy healthy?" In the time I'd been there Zack had become more accepting of the baby, he was overjoyed at the thought of having a niece or nephew-though clearly he wanted the nephew.

"It's not easy, all it wants is sugar and junk food." I frowned at the thought of how badly I wanted a Pepsi. Zack sat down and continued to eat the poptart he had in his hand. "You excited to see the baby again?" I asked after a while in comfortable silence

"Surprisingly, I'm more excited about this than anything." He said chuckling. I smiled at how seriously he was taking this. "Oh, so the boys kind of wanted to tag along…"

"All three of them?" I asked apprehensively. Rian had gone with me to the first few, before Zack was ready to go with me. Spencer had also been to the last one where she had cried when we looked at the sonogram and heard the heartbeat. I wasn't sure how Alex and Jack would take it. Zack nodded slowly, studying my face for my reaction. "Well, I'd love for all of them to be a part of it…but Alex and Jack have to behave themselves." I smiled at the end as Zack stood up with his phone out.

An hour later, and after all the boys had been notified the time to meet us at our house, Zack and I sat in the living room waiting for them to show up. I had my bag in hand and my shoes on as I sat on the couch excitedly. I hadn't decided if I wanted to know the sex yet, but I was anxious to know how the baby was and to see it again.

"Someone's here." Zack mumbled hearing a car pull in.

"Open the door Mommy!" I could hear Jack yell while pounding on our front door. I laughed as I heard Spencer and Alex doing the same. Zack got up and walked over to open it for the three.

"Hello there." I called from my spot. Alex and Jack sat on either side of me, leaving Spencer to sit on Alex's lap. "How're all of you?" I asked looking around at them.

"Excited!" Spencer squealed, she had been asking to go to another appointment since the last one she had been to. "I can't wait to see my little girl again."

"Little girl?" Jack asked from the other side. "Little boy you mean." He said decidedly.

"No, little girl." She said giving him a dirty look.

"Excuse me your little girl?" I laughed at her. "I think it's mine."

"Oh no, Kai, she's all of ours; we're family." Alex interjected.

"Ri's here." Zack said finally. I stood up quickly and went out to meet the last member of the band.

"Rian." I called out, holding the 'n' longer than normal.

"Kaiden," Rian said holding his arms out to hug. "You look lovely as ever." I blushed slightly and held tightly to him. "Excited?"

"More and more as time passes." I said looking around as the rest of the gang were still dillydallying inside.

"Well let's get a move on, gonna get to know the sex today." he said putting a hand to my stomach. He did this a lot lately, feeling it when it kicked or just talking to it. I smiled up at him, as he looked down. Our eyes connected for a moment and my heart picked up speed sending the butterflies in my stomach in more of a rush.

At the hospital our group all took seats in the brightly colored waiting room. "Well what do you want?" Spencer asked as we looked through a baby magazine.

"I'm not sure, a little girl would be nice…but I know how I was and I'm not sure if I want that." I laughed as I caught the look Zack was giving me. "So maybe a little boy…I don't know I just want it healthy." I decided resting a hand on the bump.

"Just so you know, Zack, Jack and I are in agreement; we want a little boy." Alex said proudly looking at me with a smirk on his tanned face.

I laughed, "You'll get what I give you and like it." Just as the words left my lips a young looking nurse in bright green scrubs walked towards us.

"Kaiden?" She asked looking straight at me. For a moment I was shocked that she knew who I was, I'd never seen her before I assumed she was new, then I realized that I was the only one with a baby bump. Smoooth. I smiled brightly at her and started to stand up. "Wonderful, follow me and we'll get you into a room right away."

"Thank you…" I said trailing her down the hallway I'd been down quite a few times, barely noticing the many different pictures of babies with large eyes looking up and smiling at me anymore.

"Oh sorry, I'm Michelle" She smiled warmly as she held open the door for me…and the rest of our party. "I'm new here."

"Oh well welcome." I said chuckling as I situated myself on the bed in the middle of the room.

She smiled politely and nodded her head. "Your doctor should be in soon to see you."

She closed the door and the room fell silent. "Now what?" Jack whispered.

"Well they're going to give me an ultrasound to see if it's a boy or a girl." I explained slowly as if he was the small child that he had the intellect of.

"Oh I see." He said as he stared off into space, deep in thought. At some point Jack tore himself from his thoughts long enough to cross the room and sit in the chairs against the back wall where Zack and Alex were sitting down. Rian and Spencer remained standing next to me. Rian allowing me to lean against him and rubbing my back as we waited.

"Spencer, why are you all the way over there?" Alex asked pulling me from my thoughts.

"It's like a concert Alex, I want to be up front when we see it so I'm going to stand and wait right here." She said giving him a cheesy smile over her shoulder.

"Oy, my baby's now a concert?" I asked pulling her direction to me.

"Consider it an honor; I love concerts." She said laughing and giving me the same wide grin. Anyone else would've sounded stupid but she sounded adorable; it must've been her smallness that worked in her advantage.

I smiled and nodded my head, slipping back to my thoughts of the baby; I still hadn't made up my mind about finding out the sex. I didn't want to disappoint everyone but the surprise was exciting…

The knock on the door brought me back into the present as my doctor walked in. "Kaiden you look beautiful." She said happily as she walked in.

"As do you Dr. Kellen." I said smiling as I looked her over. Her bright red hair was pulled up in a curly ponytail, curls spilling over in odd places. Her green eyes were bright as she walked into the semi dim room.

"Kaiden how many times have I asked you to call me Olivia?" She asked flashing a smile that was red carpet worthy.

I blushed, "Sorry, Olivia."

"It's alright, now let me get a few things set up real quick and I'll be with you in just a moment." She hustled from the office quick. Everyone looked surprised but Rian and I, and even Spencer having met her last visit, knew she was famous for forgetting the things she needed. I leaned into Rian again as we waited earning a questioning look from Zack. Before anyone could say anything though she was back. "Sorry about that." She looked through the file in her hand. "Alright Kaiden, how've you been feeling?"

"Big." I spoke truthfully, smiling as she chuckled.

"You're getting there." She poked at my stomach lightly. "How've you been eating?"

"Healthy." Zack spoke up from his spot on the other side of the room. "She's obsessed with it." he crossed the room to stand near me as well.

"And you are?" Olivia asked sizing him up.

"I'm her brother, Zack. I live with her."

"Well thank you, but let's let Kaiden answer." She said sweetly but in a tone that meant she was serious.

"He's right though, I've been careful to take all my vitamins you've given me and I still haven't drank a single soda along with all the healthy foods I've been eating." I rambled on feeling proud of myself.

"That's great, we're going to have to check your blood pressure quick." She said distractedly as she scribbled on the file in front of her face. Setting the pen down she pulled out and attached the Velcro cuff around my arm, squeezing it tightly to the point of numbness she took it quickly and wrote it down. "Very good, now are you ready to see your baby?" She asked excitedly.

"More than." I said lying down on the table. Rian quickly pulled the blanked over my legs so that I could pull up my dress without anyone seeing anything. I shot him a smile to say thanks. Olivia then spread the warmed gel on my stomach using the large wand. After a few moments the picture was clear and we could see it. She first showed us both its legs and arms and a view of his face then she let us listen to its heartbeat, I thought it was beautiful; I grabbed Rian's hand smiling brightly as I looked at the monitor.

"And now are you ready to find out what you're having?" She asked looking at me excitedly.


End file.
